After re-reading my last post, I realise how long I've left it again, and how I never answered that foremost of questions at the time: how did I do?... I got a first! Ha. Very unexpected, and in a sense, I feel, undeserved. My average mark was 69 - same as my brother got, and he was awarded a 2:1. Pays off being a course rep in that sense, then. But it must be more than that - I think it was maybe as a sign of encouragement from the staff to carry on with anthropology, since I've always had the motivation but am just always so unsure.
Well, that's exactly what I'm doing. And just like the BA, it was quite a last-minute decision. After all my planning to take a break, to travel, after earning a bit of money of course - I'm going right back to what I know. I panicked, I think. After I'd looked at the job situation and realised there was nothing for me to do. There'd better be something; I'm only doing the MA part-time, so I can work alongside. That made the most sense, I need the experience. And I'm trying to keep the degree somewhat vocational - it's in Social Anth again, but in Manchester I can do a 'pathway' in Museums and Material Culture. That's what I've decided I want to work in: heritage. I decided that in the last couple of weeks in Kent - I went to Dover Castle with Myra and Steve, and was just that impressed. To be in such a magical environment... Well, museums aren't quite the same. I find them quite dry. Dead things in glass boxes. It doesn't have to be that way, and I think that's where anthropology helps. To celebrate (or relive) a culture. Doing things. And I've made a start on attaining that goal (as well as applying for the course - and getting on it)...
I'm doing a voluntary placement at Ordsall Hall - aTudor Manor near Salford Quays, which has also been used as a working man's club and clergy training college. One week down, another two or three to go, at least full-time, I could carry on afterwards as much or as little as I want. How did that week go?... I'm not sure. It's not the place I'm not sure of, I'm very happy to be there rather than in a shop (and definitely rather than going door-to-door again). It's not the people, either. They all seem to like what they're doing and are very friendly, polite and helpful. Though I sense that I'm wearing them thin already. I get the feeling that they're having to accommodate me, that I'm not picking things up quick enough and ought just to be getting on with things then asking them all the time. I don't even know what my role is! The co-ordinator was incredibly encouraging by allowing me the option of working in all sections of the place, but I never know where I'm meant to be/what I should be doing. And although in the first couple of days I learned an incredible amount of things, I already feel that I've hit a wall. So I'm going to try and speak to him about it tomorrow. I don't know what I'll say, or even that he'll be able to do anything about it. I can't pinpoint the problem, but there is one.
I wanted to take this weekend to figure it out. That hasn't exactly happened. I'm very tired for one thing, can barely think. But I'm also having to work on this Professional and Career Development Loan application so I can actually do the masters. I did not want a loan. But the only other realistic source of funding would be the ESRC, for which I would really have to be doing a PhD. One step at a time!! This loan's proving to be a nightmare as well, though. I want to get it done ASAP, but I need some kind of letter from Manchester to confirm my course, and I somehow need to figure out how much to borrow and how long it will take to pay that back. I don't know! There's some things you can't know in advance! I know that the quicker I pay it off, the better (less interest that way), but if I sign up for a period of time where the monthly payments are quite high, what if whatever job I find myself in doesn't pay me enough to do that? I'm staying in Manchester so I can live at home and save money that way, but what if with the loan payments (and that other student loan) my outgoings become too much to ever move out?! I can't be stuck here... I underestimated how hard it would be to live here again. Everything was always so temporary whilst I was at Kent, and now I feel stuck!
It shouldn't be so easy to get stressed out. Why can't I take these things in my stride? I'm sure noone struggles as much as I do with such menial, everday things. I ought just to be in the States, even if it was just to travel. I knew I needed a break. But I worried about using my savings, about them being gone. It's going to happen eventually anyway, I know that...
