You know how I mentioned the One Spirit charity I wanted to help out with? Well I'm in the Okini programme (Lakota: sharing) now. It's a list of families on the res and the things they most need. I chose who I would help, based on what and when they last received things, and what I felt I could actually do. I did my best, but don't feel like it's enough. But I spent £80 on things for them, and it's costing £40 to ship the box! Just waiting for them to come pick it up now. I wanted to do this regularly, but doubt that's really possible. I'll look into buying things from US companies and having them sent direct to the houses instead. I also wrote a letter to the family to introduce myself, and hope for a reply. Not for gratitude or anything though. Maybe I see it as networking, kind of: My way in. That's really selfish, I know. I do mean well, but I'm so scared of offending anyone! Native Americans distrust 'outsiders', and they're entitled to that. Turns out they hate anthropologists too, because such studies were used to undermine the people being studied. Fair enough.
Where-in lies the difference between us: Their history is one of many hardships; assimilation possibly being the most destructive aspect. Yet they've held on to a strong sense of identity. That's what I admire and what I want to understand more. My history (or more generally - that of whites - not me personally) is one of power, domination, and these horrible inhumane acts. But it means nothing to be English. (Unless you're racist. That's something I'll explore another day). So what am I supposed to do? Is that so unbridgeable? I have a lot to learn, but I won't fully believe anything until I go and see or live it for myself. I'm doing my final year project on Lakota identity - possibly comparing it with Comanche just for another dimension - but I've been very lazy about that so far. I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Like I said before, nothing's really started yet, and I feel powerless to do anything about that.
Where-in lies the difference between us: Their history is one of many hardships; assimilation possibly being the most destructive aspect. Yet they've held on to a strong sense of identity. That's what I admire and what I want to understand more. My history (or more generally - that of whites - not me personally) is one of power, domination, and these horrible inhumane acts. But it means nothing to be English. (Unless you're racist. That's something I'll explore another day). So what am I supposed to do? Is that so unbridgeable? I have a lot to learn, but I won't fully believe anything until I go and see or live it for myself. I'm doing my final year project on Lakota identity - possibly comparing it with Comanche just for another dimension - but I've been very lazy about that so far. I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Like I said before, nothing's really started yet, and I feel powerless to do anything about that.
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| Still going strong: a powwow in 2005. Taken from clevelandpeople.com |
Anyway, what else is going on? Not much. I'm moving back to Canterbury in just under 2 weeks. I'm sharing a house with 3 other people - strangers, really, but that's fine, it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. Getting the house itself was a fiasco. Being a student city, there are always a lot of people looking, but being a small city then makes it very competetive. You should really have your place sorted around February or March. Obvioulsy, I was in Japan then, as were the people I was likely going to live with (since everyone else we had known from our course has graduated now). We decided to look as a group of 3; and I was looking for houses quite a lot whilst staying in Tokyo. Then one of us was offered a cheaper room with someone she knew back there, leaving just 2 of us. It was impossible to find an affordable 2-bed house, and grouping up with another couple of people was proving fruitless, so we've both ended up filling rooms. That wasn't too tough, but then my first house fell through because I couldn't get in touch with the landlord. So I found another house. Bear in mind that I haven't actually seen any of these houses, (except for pictures, and there's no saying that they're representative) since I was either on the other side of the world, or the other side of the country - a country where it's more expensive to travel domestically than to fly somewhere in Europe. So I haven't signed anything either, but at least I've paid a deposit! Just have to make sure bills and contents insurance get sorted in time.
I can't help but wonder though, after all the hassle, what it's actually going to be like to live there. My 2nd year house was a dive to be honest, so it can't really be worse. The people will really make it a home too. I don't want to screw that up for myself again! I do have hermit tendencies... and then complain about always being alone.
I can't help but wonder though, after all the hassle, what it's actually going to be like to live there. My 2nd year house was a dive to be honest, so it can't really be worse. The people will really make it a home too. I don't want to screw that up for myself again! I do have hermit tendencies... and then complain about always being alone.
I know I'm not really saying much, even though I'm using a lot of words. It's interesting that I started this blog as a sort of way to record my final year of being in limbo - but these past few months have been the limbo of limbos, since really that year doesn't start 'til uni starts. That is: if I'm defined as being a student, surely that only applies when I'm studying. Other than that I'm nothing and there is nothing. Just too much thought. It's no wonder I'm a bit of an insomniac at the moment.
I'll leave you now with a song I rediscovered a couple of days ago. Really beautiful. Enjoy.
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