Is "hard-pressed" even a saying/word thing? Not that its important, since I assume you know what I mean.
Anyway, yet again, it's been a while. A long while! What happened? Lots of stuff, I'm sure - it was end of term, I was busy. I didn't stop caring about writing this, it's something I like to do and am aware of the potential in it... it just didn't happen for a while. And what about now? Well, it's Christmas, and I'm back home. Ya~~ay. I bet you can really sense my enthusiasm. *yawn*.
Y'know, before I came back, I had this list of things (in my head, I never write stuff down) that I wanted to get done once I was here and had the time. Important stuff, too - like my dissertation that I feel very behind on, job applications and general after-graduation decisions. It just doesn't matter though. That's ridiculous Hannah! Of course it matters! But... meh. Best argument there ever was.
I have read, here and there, though not finished with the 2 books I've been reading simultaneously for the past week. With a balance of 80% not-work, 20% work (and some of that being skim-reading, too). Somehow, today, I've gotten myself to the point where I feel like it'll all work out, when for the past month or so I've been panicking about it just not being do-able. Did I tell you that I narrowed down my topic to the peyote religion in the specific instances of the Lakota and Comanche? I don't know anything about peyote! I know they use it in the Native American Church, but is it exclusive to that? And how on earth am I going to find out who in the tribes actually does this, and what else they do, and why? There are still problems... Oh and it will all be from books - I don't think an undergraduate project is significant enough to warrant my contacting someone in the US who may be involved; I don't suspect they're happy to share this information with anyone, especially anthropologists, if that's what I am.
[It just occurred to me that if I keep discussing it here, I may end up plagiarising myself. Stupid, but apparently possible.]
Why don't we just get until the actual end of the year to do this, like other dissertations? I fell behind because I couldn't balance thinking about this on top of my other modules. I might suprise myself with what I can get done under pressure (I've always ultimately left things right until the deadline - though this term I wasn't happy with either of my essays once I actually went to hand them in. That's right, "either", as in I only had 2. Pathetic).
There are all sorts of things I have to tell you about what was going on at the end of term. Course rep things, 5000 essay problems (understatement) and this thing called Tribe that I may have, or not, mentioned. The anthropology society - ring any bells? It started up last year by a group of friends, and everything they're doing/trying to do is great, but I'm not alone in finding it hard to get involved. In fact, even though I know the Tribe people and they are nice people, I still cringe a little every time I hear thet they're doing something. Having a name like that implies that it's a specific group, and you're either in or out. But since it's based on the subject/the department, it should just be open to the department, right? The major thing right now they're planning is an undergraduate conference for anth students around the country. It's an excellent idea; and even though I've done what I can to be involved so far, I still find myself using the word "they" because I doubt (despite their fronts) that outside input is really valued. There was some kind of structure in terms of 'roles' of things to be done, but to me a lot of it overlapped, and if people just did 'their thing' independently, then there would be a lot of problems but not a lot of progress. In my opinion. And the couple of people heading it don't really seem to mind making the decisions between themselves. It just seems as though the concepts of co-operation and communication have been forgotten by a lot of people. I'm not even sure that most other people in our own department know what's going on, even though, as course rep, I asked that an email be sent out about it. The people I asked hadn't gotten it. I wouldn't bother anymore, but the CV has been on the mind...
Speaking of which, I started a job application - something in local government - that I haven't yet finished. I'm sure the deadline's approaching, but I'm stuck. I'm up to a page of 4 sections, asking things like "tell us about your extra curricular activities, and any roles of responsibility you have held" (I don't have hobbies, really, and never run for roles of 'power' - I've got a whole philosophy about that); or, "describe a time when you've had to work in a group toward a particular goal" (I... don't know). Oh, I'm also aware of how little I know about politics, but the original, and simple point of government is surely just to help people/make things better. Seems like a good job. Just doubting that I will actually finish the application in time. I should be looking at other things to.
But things have just stopped. As always. That's why I decided to go back to Canterbury early (well... a week early - have to travel on the weekend and unfortunately this year, both holidays fall on weekends, which stratches the wait out).
'Tis the season to be jolly.
I wish.
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